I’ve been as grey as a schnauzer since I was 22, so today was my monthly hair maintenance day. I’ve never had a good experience inside of a hair-salon, so I do it myself at home.
The last time I was in an actual hair salon was about a year and a half ago. The guy who did my hair, who we’ll call “Flaming G” made so many expressions of disgust while picking gingerly through my hair that I thought he must have some kind of nervous tic.
Apparently, I have dye build-up, split ends, splashes of green paint in my hair and just “generally bad hair structure.” I was beginning to think I was a completely lost cause, but Flaming G said he could fix everything for $100. That was a “special” price, apparently.
He asked me what kind of shampoo I used, and I told him that I’d recently run out of shampoo and so I use dish detergent (I’ve done this since I was a child, it really gets the grease out). I thought (and sort of hoped too) that he was going to keel over in shock, but he managed to recover himself.
So he set to work snipping away, all the time berating me for my various hair-related transgressions and trying to sell me $40 bottles of shampoo and conditioner. I told him I never used conditioner as I thought it was just a con to take people’s money. He flinched as though he’d just been burnt with a lit cigarette.
Then he decided that I needed highlights. I’d always thought highlights were for girls from Staten Island and gay men only. I am neither, but Flaming G assured me that it would make my “limp and lifeless” hair look fuller.
Another 45 minutes later and I was all done. Flaming G almost managed a smile at his handy-work and despite the fact that as far as I could tell, my hair looked exactly the same as when I first entered the salon, I thanked him profusely and tipped him $20.
This pretty much sums up all of my experiences in hair salons. Why spend $120 on something you could do at home for less than a tenner?
I did this myself today: